Motivation

I'm not entirely sure if I've written about this before, but I wanted to tackle it from a few different angles.

Or Kurt Angles, if you're the kind of guy who likes German Suplexes.

Anyway.

Lately my mind has been drifting in between a strong intensity for the task at hand and total disregard for anything and everything around me.  Call it what you will - extreme senioritis (coming from my pending graduation) or extreme stress and aggravation (coming from my pending graduation).  In short, I'm stressed out about getting enough to have something to present to my committee this summer, but feeling a lull because I have been at this so long that I need a break from it.

This set of random and dramatic turns has gotten me to thinking about what is driving me to pursue a degree in this field, as well as what drives me in general.  What's my motivation?

A quick scan of the internet, without delving deeper into the subject, suggests that motivation "refers to a process that elicits, controls, and sustains certain behaviors".  In essence, it's that "driving force" that pushes us to do things, whether that be someone motivating us with a reward ("incentive theory"), or fulfilling some biological need ("drive-reduction theory"), among other things.  Intrinsic forces keep us alive and moving, extrinsic forces push us to finish those TPS reports for our bosses.  We work hard on the things that are important to us, while those things that are less necessary have a tendency to fall to the side of the road, destined to either be picked up by someone else or lost forever to the passage of time.

Something like that.

I find it interesting how much our motivations can vary depending on previous and current life experiences.  Those of us in similar situations can have very similar motivations (fear that our boss will yell at us if we aren't in the lab from 7 am to 10 pm, for example), while others living in the same household may have completely different motivations (which is why I'm always trying to clean something at night while my wife enjoys evening television... not that there's anything wrong with that).  Every part of our lives can driven by some form of motiation or another, changing to fit the situation as needed.  It may be easy to compel a child to eat candy, but it's a lot harder to find some form of motivation to get him to eat his vegetables (perhaps apply the incentive theory and offer candy in exchange for vegetable consumption).  One such example I can think of from my past regarded the purchase of a Sega Genesis - my parents offered me the incentive of the video game machine in exchange for exercise, which at the time required the proper motivation to be achieved (funny how much that has changed).

While there are many theories on how motivation works, it is up to the individual to decide what motivates him to do what he does.  It's quite interesting how those motivations can change over time.

My career as an MD/PhD began with the motivation to do great things within the realm of my abilities.  I knew that I could do it, that I had the capabilities to succeed, and in the past my motivations had been to succeed for the sake of succeeding.  I had a strong feeling that, even if I didn't know exactly what I was going to do, I had the ability and talent to do it, which kept me motivated.  As time went on, and I became more familiar with how research goes (i.e. badly sometimes), my motivations began to change.  Instead of being motivated by the need to be successful, it became a motivation to finish a specific goal - get an experiment completed, write out a reaction scheme, finish a piece of homework, and so forth.  The motivation became much more extrinsic, with others determining how I perform and what I hoped to accomplish.  Like the grad students who are afraid to leave, I was motivated by a need to make my boss happy, to make my professors happy, and so forth.

Lately that motivation had changed further, for a number of reasons.  The extrinsic motivation of fear of being reprimanded has gradually disappeared (the "Honey Badger" theory of motivation) and been replaced by a sort of intrinsic pride in myself.  It's not a matter of succeeding for the sake of succeeding, it's a matter of making it perfectly clear that I still have the ability to do well, and that I'm going to succeed and do well for myself first, then everyone around me.  I work hard at what I do because I want everyone to see that I'm succeeding. 

My motivation for running is different, because it hasn't gone through the same transition and need to please others.  Running has always made me feel good - I like to run and race, regardless of what others think!  It's sometimes difficult to explain to others (why would you do that?), but it's a pretty straightforward thing to me - running makes me feel good, and it is it's own reward! 

All in all, what I would suggest if you're in a situation where you're thinking about different post-graduate programs, is to think about your motivation.  What is your motivation to be in the MD/PhD program?  The MD program?  The PhD program?  Think about that first, and then let that guide your judgement. 

And if you're a runner - running is pretty good by itself!